The Sight

[MinutemanCO]

LOL.
Looking forward to comments, reviews, critique, etc.

[Malsua]

LOL.
Looking forward to comments, reviews, critique, etc.

I'm a few pages in. That said, I have well over 5000 books in my physical library and I've read every one of them. I have probably 200 in my Amazon cloud and I've read most of those. I'm not a novice, and I'll just throw this out there...I found one grammatical error in the first 20 pages. I'm unable to continue. Just kidding...heh, I'll chock it up to editing . I can edit novels but I generally read for comprehension, not grammar.

[MinutemanCO]

Hit me with them all. I need the input. Coulda probably used another layer of objective editing before release. But, alas...

[Malsua]

So I finished your book.

I enjoyed it!

You seem to have an exposition phase at the start of each chapter that strikes me as trying a bit hard. This is not to say its bad, it is, after all a style. I just found the metaphor usage somewhat heavy at times. For example in the chapel, early on there was something like: "The space between us could have fit your heavy aunt" or some such. Not horrible, just awkward. I also think you set a record for me as to looking up words in a book. I'm guessing I had to get definitions 5 or 6 times. Normally it's none or one unless I'm reading something technical. Again, I didn't find the words inappropriately used, but a couple were dated and not in common usage any longer. It hurts flow.

A few of your demon encounters were well done and I literally got chills reading it. That doesn't happen to me, so bravo, well done.

There were a few grammatical errors and sentence fragments that required a couple parsings in my head to iron out. They genuinely weren't an issue though.

I though the book had good pacing and the characters were reasonably well fleshed out. I guess one beef I might have is your characters fit into essentially two archetypes or perhaps four if you include the angels and demons. The characters were either good guys or bad guys. I suppose that's to be expected in Christian apocalypse fiction and while black and white is great, gray is where you set the tone .

I assume you've left the plot open for sequels as we never did find out why Darien(sp) was saved nor did we find out who the troop movements were and where they were going.

Oh and it wasn't believable to me that Owen, a rebel motorcycle dude wasn't banging his first girlfriend, but again, I get it, your target audience would like to think he's saving himself.

I haven't done a review on Amazon. I would be much less technical there and just describe it mostly and I'll get around to that eventually.

As a whole, you seemed to catch your stride about 1/4 of the way in. The first bit felt a little clunky? I'm not sure how to describe it. That said, I've noticed that same thing about every author when I dig back to their first books. It takes some time to get your voice. By the end of the book, the pages were flying.

I'll definitely read your next, so keep going! It was fun.

[MinutemanCO]

Thank you, Malsua. Excellent review!! Where were you when I was looking for beta readers? Have any desire to assist in the sequel?

I really appreciate the objective critique. Good questions; great observations. It may be possible for me to clean some of it up prior to printed copy release, if and when that happens.

[Malsua]

I'm always willing to read new material, specially if I know the author. If you have something you'd like me to read, just let me know. I'm a "failed" author myself, or rather, probably just not persistent enough author. I wrote a number of shorts in the early 90s and submitted them everywhere I could, never getting published. Eventually life intruded and I couldn't justify the time to keep trying. I did enjoy the writing; the edits not so much . I also think CompuServe helped kill formal writing for me since it both took my time and allowed me to express myself in words somewhere people might read it.

I know people at work hate my emails since they are often very detailed and multi-paragraph. Most emails I receive are barely literate and require frequent follow-up clarifications.

I do have one of my old stories left. The rest were lost through 20+ years of hard drive and computer changes. I've re-read it and it's pretty lame, lol. It's something you read and go "hmm" then move on with your life. I updated it not to include my full real name, something that is required when you submit. http://thewellrats.com/malbor2/taa/thedig.pdf It was written in 93 or 94. It comes across almost as teen fiction to me now. As I said, lame

[MinutemanCO]

Cool. Thanks.

I remember when we we wrote short story segments for the post-virus, post-apoc piece Rick had us do several years ago. Yours was good. You could definitely write novels if you had the time.

I laughed out loud at your questioning of Owen's virginity. There's no question you're correct on that one. It was a must, though, for the biblical specifications for one of the 144,000 witnesses. So I had to work it into the narrative somehow as unrealistic in today's culture as it would be.

I've begun the second in the series. I'm going to have to discover huge pieces of time somewhere if I'm going to complete it in an acceptable amount of time as a series sequel. I'll keep you informed as to progress if you're willing, as I think you have the gift of critique. Most people aren't capable of giving an objective, but effective, literary critique as you are.

Thanks, again. I may pick your brain in the near future to further illuminate the inconsistencies you pointed out.

[Malsua]

>>I remember when we we wrote short story segments for the post-virus, post-apoc piece Rick had us do several years ago.<<

Going to have to find that thread and re-read it, I had forgotten about that entirely.

If you'd like me to look over something, just let me know. I enjoy those kinds of things since it's new and different.

As to Owen...all I can speak to is myself. Starting at about 14, I wanted to seal the deal with any willing female. Repeatedly. I didn't accomplish that for a few more years, but it wasn't for lack of trying.
Now I'm just a jaded old man who is a bit wiser in human behavior than he used to be. I know that if I could have this 48YO brain in my 17+YO body, I'd have spent a lot of time in clinics getting shots.

[MinutemanCO]

If you'd like me to look over something, just let me know. I enjoy those kinds of things since it's new and different.

Yeah, thanks. I'm about 1/4 of the way through the second book in the series. I'd love for you to critique in segments as I go. I'll let you know.