Cap'n Crunch, Fraud!

He's An Impostor, The Navy Says About Cap'n Crunch

by Eyder Peralta
June 20, 201312:01 PM


Cap'N Crunch Bars



AP



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Cap'N Crunch Bars
AP
We don't know how, but we missed a major scandal brewing in the Navy for decades. It's important, so even if we're a little late to the story we still wanted to point it out: Cap'n Crunch is an impostor.



The Cap'n was unmasked on June 14 by a food blogger, who noticed the uniform he wears on cereal boxes had the stripes of a commander, not a captain. That is: A captain has four stripes on his sleeve, while a commander has three.



As the story spread, the Navy confirmed what you might be fearing: Cap'n Crunch is a fraud, tricking innocent children since his introduction in 1963.
The Navy told Foreign Policy (paywall):



" 'You are correct that Cap'n Crunch appears to be wearing the rank of a U.S. Navy commander,' Lt. Cmdr. Sarah Flaherty, a U.S. Navy spokeswoman, tells Foreign Policy. 'Oddly, our personnel records do not show a "Cap'n Crunch" who currently serves or has served in the Navy.' "



What's more: We put our investigative reporter hat on and went digging. We pulled up historical images of the Cap'n, and they showed that on some occasions he sported one stripe, on others two.



Cap'n Crunch is trying to tweet away the crisis. He said:



"So much fuss about my name. O, be some other name. What's in a name? That which we call Cap'n Crunch, by any other name would taste as sweet"

Today I Learned – Cap’n Crunch is a Liar and a Fraud

Hit-Or-Miss
June 14, 2013 // 7:00 am // By: Charisma Madarang


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http://cdn.foodbeast.com.s3.amazonaw...6/capn-cru.jpg
My whole life has just been shattered into a pile of stale cereal crumbs.


Seriously, guys. Your design team had one job. You couldn’t have at least gotten the old man’s uniform right? Now, adults and children alike are lamenting the fact that the cheery Santa Claus in a blue Napoleon hat is really just a big, fat LIAR. Yes, my fellow Foodbeasts, the “Cap’n” is really just a “Commander” in disguise.


If you haven’t already, peep the photo above, and note the disparity between the stripes of a captain and those of a commander. Now check out the stripes on Cap’n Crunch’s wrists. One. Two. Three . . . Ugh.


Next you’re going to tell me that Tony the Tiger is really a cranky bald man in a cat suit, or something equally horrifying.
My only solace is that he goes by “Cap’n” Crunch instead of ”Captain.” Still, I’m a little heartbroken over here.


P.S
It’s most likely that the Cap’n only has three stripes because he’s a French “Capitaine de frégate” and they technically only have three yellow stripes. Although, that still translates to “Commander” in English . . . and doesn’t explain why he doesn’t speak a lick of le français.

More scandals in the US.....


/chuckles