Friday Follies

[Ryan Ruck]

[American Patriot]

Lol!

[American Patriot]

The real story behind the killing of bin Laden.......





Osama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives in one compound and never left the house for 5 years.





It is now believed he called the Navy Seals himself.

[American Patriot]

Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing. He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, a beautiful bathroom faucet caught her eye. When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is that faucet?"

The manager replied, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00."

Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that's an expensive faucet and certainly out of my price range!" She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy.

The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one.

From the storeroom the manager yelled, "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?"

Mary shouted back, "No, but I will for the faucet."

[American Patriot]

An Irish Joke, after me own heart.....


He rose on a fine spring day in his new West Texas mission parish.

When he walked to the window to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside, he noticed there was a jackass dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day to yourself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father. He replied, "Well now, Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Then, Father O'Malley replied, "Aye, 'tis certainly true. But we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."

[American Patriot]

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Ralphy.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'

[American Patriot]

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH 2

Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. 'Why?' asks the father?

'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.

“But that's right!' says his dad.

'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''

'What's the flippin’ difference?' asks the father.

'That's what I said!'

[American Patriot]

LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH

Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'

Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

[American Patriot]

LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER

Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'

Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own flippin’ business.”

[American Patriot]

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early Retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body.

The officer got to choose what those two points would be. The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider; explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. but the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' Which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back.

'Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'

The old Chief calmly replied, 'Vietnam!’

[American Patriot]

Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”

[American Patriot]

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:


COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $10.00
CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $18.50
HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.


She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. “Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help you sir?”

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?”

She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes sir, I sure am.”

The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, “Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger.”

[Ryan Ruck]

Indonesian Clothing Company Apologizes For Washing Instructions On Shirt Telling A Woman To Clean It Because ‘It’s Her Job’

March 8, 2015



An Indonesian company has apologized for printing washing instructions on a sports shirt telling a woman to clean it because "it's her job."

The company, Salvo Sports, said sorry on Sunday, International Women's Day, reports the BBC.

The label on a shirt for a soccer team said: "Washing instructions: Give this shirt to a woman. It's her job."

It prompted lots of criticism on social media and has caused the company to backtrack.

Salvo Sports said on Twitter: "The message is simply instead of washing it in the wrong way, you might as well give it to a lady because they are more capable.

"There is no intention to humiliate women."

Salvo said it wanted to apologize for any misinterpretations.

[Ryan Ruck]

Late Saturday night I was working my way through some of the Oberon I have left from last year in anticipation of the 2015 release in a couple weeks. I was browsing the interwebs and had Dredd on in the background.

Took a look at the clock on the cable box and saw it was about 1:45am. A little while later feeling a little sleepy I took a look at the clock again. 3:30! WTF?!?!

I knew I had had a bit to drink but nowhere near that much! What the hell happened to the last hour, especially since Dredd is still running?

Totally forgot about Daylight Saving.

So glad it's finally going to start getting dark at a normal time now.




And especially this one...