Russians Beware Of 'Ring Of Malice'
In response to Russia's recent anti-Georgian policies, the Russian newspaper Vlast analytical weekly has taken it upon themselves to prepare an important guide of how to deal with Russia's "ring of malice" (referring to countries that border Russia) and methods of combating them to avoid possible treachery, Kommersant daily reports.

"In recent weeks, Russians have learned much about the negative role that Georgia and Georgians play in their lives," Kommersant quotes the guide as saying, "Georgians are the backbone of the Russian criminal world and they control the big casinos where Russians are stripped bare and poisoned with poor quality wine."

"That is why Vlast has prepared this short guide of potential enemies of sovereign, democratic Russia. The list includes countries that border Russia, thus forming a 'circle of malice.' Also included are former Soviet republics that do not border Russia but are still of strategic interest to it. There are recommendations for every country that will minimize their evil influence, no less effectively than cancelling the performances of dance ensembles and expelling schoolchildren whose last names end with -dze and -shvili," the Guide reads.

Among the "dangerous" countries, of whom Russia should beware include not only most countries neighbouring Russia, but some post-socialist countries and of course those that do not neighbour Russia but are of strategic importance for it including the United States of America, Japan, Finland, China, and Armenia.

The arguments supporting why relationships with each of these countries may be perilous for Russia are based on research, the document claims, conducted by Vlast examining economic, political and cultural cooperation between Russia and the countries. After reviewing the profile of each country's relationship with Russia, the guide gives its recommendations about how to interact with these suspicious countries.

The following are some of the recommendations to combat various nationalities:

  • Belarus-check Belarusian-made furniture and clothing for radioactivity. Receive a positive result.
  • Azerbaijan-ban clearance sales of jogging suits and mohair scarves.
  • China-make popularizing feng shui a misdemeanour.
  • Finland-charge sauna users with immoral behaviour.
  • Japan-ban karaoke.
  • Moldova-declare white storks carriers of the bird flu.
  • Mongolia-demand international condemnation of the genocide of native peoples of the Russian Federation during the Mongol occupation of 1207-1480.
  • Norway-prohibit Nobel Peace Prize winners from entering Russia.
  • United States-announce that all residents of Alaska are eligible for Russian citizenship and that the state has the right to self-determination.