Funny and profound statements or happenings in religion

[Aplomb]

Here's a thread from Anomalies that I just made a post to. http://communities.anomalies.net/for...978#Post244978

I'll be back to explain this. But for now, the thread link is here. Sorry about that. Enjoy!

[Aplomb]

Most of us have experienced something humorous or some profound words of wisdom that stick with us or possibly even cause some change in our lives. This thread is to share these happenings with others here to enjoy and chuckle over and/or to marvel at. With the screen name Teachable on the Anomalies forums I started this thread for such a purpose.

Here's an example:

I survived another church time episode with my kids Sunday. This experience is not as funny as other incidents, but it is worth mentioning to start this thread with. Possibly it is profound.

Somebody that I presently am working with told me that there is a childrens' Mass at 11:30 so I thought it would be a good thing to go check it out, especially if it would be geared toward children, so maybe my kids could get more out of it and learn more. The dutiful parent am I, always into more educational endeavors that sometimes put me out for the benefit of the children.

So, here we were seated (one at this minute, and another for that minute) for a solid hour with none of the kids paying any attention to anything whatsoever. My co-worker was mistaken--it was not a Mass for children, it was for those who speak only Spanish, adults, not children.

Being a mother and in being able myself to at least understand some Spanish, I thought it best to stay and try to get something out of it. I instructed my children to "listen with your hearts". They have never been so totally unruly all of them taking turns at naughty behaviour.

When we finally were dismissed and we were all seated in the car, I tried to use the experience to teach my kids empathy in understanding others, for our neighborhood has many only-Spanish speaking people in it. I said that this is the way some people hear things--they cannot understand what others are saying because it isn't in their own language. "Did you understand anything that anybody was saying, no--"

"Yes, I did!" my son proclaimed. And my daughters agreed. It was ridiculous. I asked, "you did? What did you understand?" My son said: "The songs, Mom" and one of my daughters chimed in with a reasonable explaination: "Yeah, Mom, we did what you said, we listened with our hearts."

[Aplomb]

This is by wallis:

I used to have a puppet ministry where my puppet and I gave a children's sermonette just before the sermon. There are two little anecdotes that stand out in my mind:

1. I would "lose" the puppet during the sermon, as it would be passed around the congregation. We were set up in a amphitheater sort of seating, so the pastor would be talking to basically one-third of the congregation at a time. Well, as much as the pastor loved the puppet, whenever the puppet showed up in one of the "thirds," he'd have to look another way to keep from busting up laughing during the sermon.

2. At the close of each session, the puppet always gave each child a hug. "Hug someone for Jesus." One time, while my parents were visiting, somehow I missed giving one of the children a hug, and the child went back to his seat almost crying. When this was pointed out to me, I naturally walked over to the child, and he got his hug. The pastor very patiently waited until I was finished and then said something like: "There's nothing like a hug from Jesus to pass it on."

[Aplomb]

My mother likes to tell the story of when I was a young boy in church, maybe 5 or 6 years old. I was raised Catholic, and my mother says the first time I saw the priest entering the church with his vestments on, I stood up and yelled "Look mommy! There's Superman!!"

by Instigator

[Aplomb]

My son, Chris/Zjeng was about 2 1/2 years old. He stayed seated w/ his grandparents while his father and I went up for communion. From the pew way in the back of the church his protesting and temper tantruming reached our ears and everyone else's. He was crying out repeatedly: "Chips!!! Chips!!! I want some chips!"

[Aplomb]

This from Karen Scalf Linamen, quoted from "Humor from a Mom's Heart" copyright 2002 by Howard Publishing Co., Inc.:

"I eavesdropped on my five-year old the other night.

She was all tucked into bed, waiting for me to come in and tell her a story, when she decided to sing herself a song.

I was in the hallway, approaching her bedroom door, when I heard the familiar words in her child's voice:

"Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so..."

I stopped in my tracks and listened, feelings of joy and gratitude welling up inside of me.

This is because nothing blesses a mother's heart like witnessing her children engaging in true worship, I knew I was on hallowed ground as I observed a precious moment in my little one's relationship with her Creator.

Kacie sang for several minutes. Then she paused, regrouped, and began again. This time there was a slight alteration in the words.

She exchanged "Jesus" for "Walter."

As in, "Walter loves me, this I know."

Walter is our German shepherd."

[Aplomb]

I was carrying a Bible outside in the morning for a little reading in the warm sunlight. A child of about 9 years old asked me if I was "a Catholic or a public." I guess it depends on which school you go to, huh?

"I don't realize how it happened," stated my 5-yr old grandson, "but somehow I was born." He went on to explain, mixing things w/ a little politics. "It's Americol!"

[Aplomb]

Terrydactyl added this one:

Just found this thread and I just had to share this with you. The story is about my youngest daughter, (now 25yrs) who, when she was 8yrs old, came proudly home from school with the news that her vocation in life was decided. Apparently, one of her lessons that day, was of a religious nature. 'I'm going to be nun' she said. Being rather bemused by this statement and knowing that she was in no way taken by religion generally, I asked her why. Very tongue in cheek and with an impish grin came the reply 'I rather fancy the uniform!'

[Aplomb]

Twilight 28 remembered thinking this as a child:

One of my earlier church memories is from Catholic Mass. I remember thinking that communion was partaking in the body and blood of the priest. I remember asking my mommy why they were 'eating of his body and drinking of his blood'. I think she told me to sit down and hush up. I remember thinking also that he had to wear his robes because otherwise we would see right through him, since he was the Holy Spirit.

not sure if this was still around the time i was hearing from the faeries and the angels before sleep.

[Aplomb]

So there was this one time that I took my children to an evening mass mostly designed for enticing young people to come to church; so naturally, there was a band there. While the band tuned and practiced before mass, my children were seated and enjoyed seeing instruments and hearing their different sounds. Well, except my 4-yr old who was pretty much determined to go in and out of the pew and try to get her brother and sister to get involved in physical play including chasing her around. I told her to sit down a couple of times. She did listen briefly, but quickly resumed her play and got louder each time. So then I looked at her sternly and much to my surprise she quickly sat down, folder her hands and quieted herself without my saying a word. I noticed somebody from the band was headed toward the back of the church close to where we were seated. He was short in stature of about 4 or 4 1/2 feet tall and had dark long hair and a dark beard and moustache. Just about the time that I noticed him, I heard my daughter mumble: "oh-oh, here comes Jesus."

[Aplomb]

And here's the latest...

There was a family in the pew directly in front me and my family. A baby who was juggled about from parent to parent and extended family finally wanted something else to do other than reaching for family members to hold her. She stood upright on the floor looking at her book, which was there on the pew. It was as if she had never noticed it before. She smiled and looked curious about it. With plastic-covered, stuffed pages, I doubt it was anybody else's. She opened the book somewhere in the middle and just as the priest said, "let us pray" she saw a photo of a milk-filled baby bottle and loudly proclaimed, "Abba! Abba!"

[Aplomb]

Please feel free to post. Share your experience with us. Add one more smile.

[samizdat]

Maybe I'll read the whole thread later. ...later explain
Yeah, Mom, we did what you said, we listened with our hearts
Itta Misa es. Gracias a Dios.

Here's a cool idea aplomb. Take your kids to a deaf Mass. It's a blast. The songs are ..."bad to the bone". And the best deal is-they can talk all they want. They can even get the Holy Ghost and shout Amen¡¡

I used to attend a deaf college (Galludet) each week. It's a good learning experience. Total immersion participation. !Sana Jesús¡

Even if your kids are capricious- (polite for pre or teen s(not) balls i'm sure their not, they'll prbably like it and perhaps pick up a talent. Learning sign language is fun and u-tube and many videos are available. Just make sure they don't get too brave and stick their hands in the mouths and ears of the deaf and say "abrate".

Unless your son becomes a priest. The eastern church used to give 1st Communion, asap after birth along w/ Baptism. Jale la oreja y abre la boca- muy bien.

[Aplomb]

Cool ideas and new adventures and field trips for learning exposure always welcome, Sami. Thanks!

[Aplomb]

It has been awhile since my children had experienced a priest sprinkling water as he passed people in the pews, so I reminded them that when he passed him they should "make a cross." As he passed us, I made the sign of the cross, as did my son, and then my daughter, but as I glanced at my youngest it was quite the surprise to see her arms extended in front of her with her right and left pointer fingers intersecting to form a cross.