Happy St. Partick's Day!

[American Patriot]

Here's a giggle for you...

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'. Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done to-morrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that.
Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?"

The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish.

"No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency.", replied Brennan.

[American Patriot]

May those who love us, love us
And those who don't love us,
May God turn their hearts
And if he can't turn their hearts,
May he make anvils fall from the sky,
to land on their heads with hilarious pranging sounds.
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May the road rise to meet you,
just like it always does,
when you get so drunk,
you pass out in the street.
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May the leprechauns be near you,
To spread luck along your way.
And may all of the medications
Take the awful hallucinations of tiny screeching people away.
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Ireland It's the one place on earth
That Heaven has kissed
With melody, mirth
And meadow and mist
And decades of religious-based warfare
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These things, I warmly wish for you-
Someone to love,
A bit o' sun
A bit o' cheer
A book of gift certificates to Hardee's And a guardian angel Always near.
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On this day St. Patrick,
Surrounded by friends and more
Take that guy wearing a "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" pin And throw him the hell out the door.
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Down at the pub,
Reveling all night
Pray they don't run dry of Guinness
And substitute Amstel Light
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May all your sorrows be like a Shamrock Shake, available for a limited time only.
Also, may they be a minty green in color, putrid to the taste, and contain sodium benzoate as a preservative.
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Bless Bono's round, shiny glasses,
for they are round, and they are shiny, and he is Irish.
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May your schizophrenia always be blamed on colorful drunkenness.

[American Patriot]

Pat and Jimmy-Joe met and one said to the other,

"Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?"

Pat said, "Well, I have and I haven't."

His friend asked, "Shure, and what d'ye mean by that?"

Pat said, "It's like this, y'see...I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another...it was neither of us."
================================================== =======

Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan.

"Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I'm afraid he's goin' to die."

"Shure, an' why would he be dyin'?" asked the other.

"Ah, he's gotten so thin. You're thin enough, and I'm thin -- but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is thinner than both of us put together."
================================================== =======

The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. "

"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."
================================================== =======

"Young man," said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant.
"It's alcohol and alcohol alone that's responsible for your present sorry state!"

"I'm glad to hear you say that," replied Murphy, with a sigh of relief. "Everybody else says it's all my fault!"
================================================== =======

The origin of the bagpipes was being discussed and the representatives of different nations were eagerly disclaiming responsibility for the instrument.

Finally, and Irishman said, "Well, I'll tell you the truth about it. The Irish invented them and sold them to the Scots as a joke; and the Scots haven't seen the joke yet!"

[American Patriot]

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."

The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never is empty."

With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.

The man says, "I want two more of these."

************************************************** ****************************************

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a large mule lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this: 'Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones, how might I help you?'

'And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Mary's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads over to take care of the matter?'

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, 'Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!'

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment...

Father O'Malley then replied: 'Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.'

************************************************** ****************************************

An Englishman, a Scotsman, are sitting next to each other in a pub. The bartender places a pint down in front of each of them with a fly in it.

Englishman: "Bartender, there is a fly in my pint, take it away and bring me another."

Scotsman: picks up the fly tosses it aside and starts drinking.

Irishman: picks up the fly holding it by the wings over his glass "Spit it out. Spit it out damn you."

[American Patriot]

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

************************************************** ****************************************

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

************************************************** ****************************************

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

************************************************** ****************************************

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.

"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

[American Patriot]

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.

When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "What was that all about?"

"Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"

************************************************** ****************************************

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

"No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"

"How'd that happen?"

"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.

************************************************** ****************************************

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.

The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

************************************************** ****************************************

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.

They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."

Then they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying."

[Malsua]

>>Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, 'Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!'

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment...

Father O'Malley then replied: 'Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.'<<


I don't get it. Seriously. What am I missing? lol

[samizdat]

May God bless us w/ another year of laughter and love. May the road rise before us, the wind at our backs and may we rest gently in the palm of the mighty hand of the Lord.

[Ryan Ruck]

Cheers!

[Backstop]

Happy St. Patrick's day to all.

Not even sure what we're celebrating, but there it is.

[samizdat]

Bless me father, for I have sinned against global warming and dirt rice (condolezzens).



Not that I am older, butwiser,
just jealous, not envious, ni covetous. Sure me- I'd rather have a bass ale, but what the hell, bud. And have a smile. At my age- and weight by volume- I do a neer beer after 3 buds- or ... I sin.

[samizdat]

Ahhh, bud de good old days when women were better, horses were faster and you could get by with a buck.

[samizdat]

St. Pat was kidnapped by pirates, and jailed at least 6 times. He trusted in God to help him against his enemies. I reckon he's the patron Saint of sailors, as well as prisoners and those who prefer freedom as well as Irish.